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TFK_disciple_fan
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by TFK_disciple_fan Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:43 pm

ECCENTRICSHEEP wrote:I've connected better with the crowd that's older than me at church personally. Like the adults with older kids or kids out of the house. My youth group felt like another species, and honestly the kids that age still seem a bit foreign to me. Don't ever give up on the church. I went to a few that I just didn't connect with through childhood and college. But eventually I found one that I can be myself and there's people that love me for me and I know will be there if I need them. I'm the same person I've always been too, just a little more hopeful than I use to be.

I've haven't had any friends I hang out with since I moved over 5 years ago, so Disciple Alliance is my group of friends lol.

I've got my depression battles over here too so you're not alone, hang in there *hugs*.

Thank you for that. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that isn't perfect and still struggles with things no matter how hard they try.
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Aaron S
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by Aaron S Sat Jan 25, 2014 11:27 am

I've thought a lot about the covering we have in Jesus Christ the last couple years, though I hadn't thought of it in the sense of an umbrella and storms. It brought back a lot of memories. I grew up as a pastor's kid and understood salvation at a young age. I had loving parents whose lives, although not perfect, were a picture of God's grace I watched every day (the picture is still not complete, and I see new brush strokes on it every day). But somehow I missed or ignored the need to personally pursue Jesus and cling to Him.

About 12 years ago a storm came that raged for 9 or 10 years. It wasn't anything I did or asked for, it was one of those storms like the one that took Job's family in one shot, and I did not know how to deal with it. I had slowly without realizing it, walked out from under the umbrella that I should have been clinging to. The worst part was that I took my wife and kids with me, and probably others that I did not even notice at the time. The umbrella of responsibility that I had agreed to hold up when I said "I do" was leaking badly. About 4 years ago, after a terrible fight, I walked out the front door, past my wife and 5 kids who were sitting on the couch (12yrs-1yr at the time). I cringe every time I think about it. I didn't even take anything with me. I got in my truck and started driving west. I found myself trying to sleep in a Walmart parking lot in the middle of North Dakota. There was a very loud storm all night long, and honestly I was hoping for a bolt of lightning. The next day as I was crossing into Montana, half the sky was bright sunshine and the other half was an ugly black cloud. When the storm hit, I could not even see the ground outside of my window because the wind was driving the rain so hard. The wind was pulling at my truck so hard I braced for lift off, and for a moment in the worst of the storm, I thought, "This is how I am going to die." As soon as it was done, the sky was back to bright sunshine and I turned around and started home. I think God was starting to get my attention, kind of like Elijah in his cave, but I could not or would not hear Him. My umbrella looked like one of those where all the fabric is torn off and the wires are all pointing up in the air. I put a couple of band aids on it and did not pursue God.

One thing I've learned about umbrellas, is that sometimes God will scoot you under someone else's umbrella, who has not been neglecting it, so that you can get out of the storm and start to remember who God is, and start to hear Him speak again. This is where I found myself on November 2, 2011, when my kids dragged me to a concert. It was something about "I feel like a monster and a skillet or something" and some other bands that started it off. There was a guitar player that was very loudly playing his Telecaster to death and also did a back flip, and he made me smile. Then I heard a guy singing something about Eternity, and roses, and the face of God, and the music made me smile. Afterwards, before I was even out of the parking lot, I tore open the cd to try and find that song. When I got home I opened the cover, saw the scripture references, got my Bible (I had to go dig for it), and started to remember who God is. This was part of the beginning of my pursuit of God, and by His Grace I will pursue Him every day and all of my days. Pursue Him. You will find Him in His Word. Believe Him. Cling to Him. And watch for the people He brings under your umbrella. It is awesome.

If there is anything good that ever comes out of me, it is because of Jesus Christ, the One who loved me, gave Himself for me, and lives within me...if there is anything bad, well that's just Aaron...we're still killing him off each day.
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Lainie
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by Lainie Sat Jan 25, 2014 7:08 pm

That's a beautiful story, Aaron. Thanks for being brave enough to share it. Welcome to the fan-mily, brother.
The Disciple fan-mily are just the friends I haven't necessarily met yet :)
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Steph
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by Steph Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:21 pm

stacfo wrote:Thanks so much for being so stinkin' REAL. Because you keep encouraging us, there is this awesome gathering of folks that feel like they are a bunch of square pegs out there, yet seem to fit so well together because we met here. Mary- I'm in love with your brain. Lanie- your dry wit is to die for. Brooklyn - I will never forget that hat. Steph- I loved meeting you at the cd release show and you are a musical genius. Stac- You are a gift from God, and you know why. Sheepy: your strength gives me more in return every day. It's more of a gift than you know. BTW, I was at one of your "almost lost your voice" shows, and yet you managed to preach a message that went straight to the heart of a 19 year old girl I had drug along with me and totally rocked her world that night. She has since fully gotten her life in order and is chasing after God like a wild woman! Thanks for answering the call, and sticking with it. Thanks for singing the songs that say what I can't seem to. And finally, dude- I have seen pics of your wife and you totally got the prize :mrgreen:
Thanks for your kind words, Stace! I love that this is a place where we can all be real and experience community and learn from one another. Where us introverts and "outsiders" can have a place to fit in. I'm so thankful for the awesome people I've met, online here on the forum and in person! :mrgreen:




It's as easy to slide back to our familiar habits as it is to settle into a worn dip in a mattress. Our nature, surroundings, and past wrap like strings around us, and soon we are focused on the unimportant, lacking conviction and dancing to the flat notes of the noise, only to speak occasionally with a shallow tone and weak voice.


Walking in your new identity in Christ is an everyday, every moment decision. The Father is waiting for us to take action.

I really liked this chapter. And I especially liked these quotes. I feel like I've learned a lot this past year, and have grown some, and have had lots of ups and downs, especially when it comes to relationships. As an introvert, it's always been hard for me to make friends and to take a step out of my comfort zone and let people get to know me. I've been in a small group for the last few years, and I feel like we're really starting to get to know one another, and I've really started to feel comfortable around them. One thing God really reminded me of this past year is that story from the Old Testament where the Israelites are wandering around the desert, and they get to the Jordan river. God tells them to cross the river and He will make a way for them, but they have to take the first step. They don't see the dry ground, they have to put their feet in the water and trust that God will come through, as he said He would, and give them a path to cross. And once they did put their feet in the water, God parted the water and they were able to walk across on dry land. That story has been on my mind a lot this past year, and God has really shown me that when I take the first step, when I speak up at small group, when I invite a friend to coffee or host a game night, good things happen. But on the other side of that, it's also been easy for me to slip back into the old habits of being the quiet one in the corner, or thinking that people don't notice me or care about me, but I do get little reminders here and there that that is not the truth. And I know that my true identity is a daughter of God, and I am working on reminding myself of that more often, and focusing on what God thinks of me, not others. As Eric said on page 37, " Know who you are through Him and less of who you are without Him."
~How precious to me are your thoughts O God? How vast is the sum of them? Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. Psalm 139:17-18~
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Steph
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by Steph Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:24 pm

And welcome Aaron! Thanks for sharing your story!
~How precious to me are your thoughts O God? How vast is the sum of them? Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. Psalm 139:17-18~
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stacfo
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by stacfo Thu Jan 30, 2014 1:46 am

Aaron- just amazing...that is all.

Welcome to the boards :mrgreen:
My steps are established by the Lord, and He delights in my way. When I fall, I will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds my hand. Psalm 37:23-24
Jose Medina
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by Jose Medina Thu Jan 30, 2014 5:17 pm

"If there is anything good that ever comes out of me, it is because of Jesus Christ, the One who loved me, gave Himself for me, and lives within me...if there is anything bad, well that's just Aaron...we're still killing him off each day."

You have quiet a strong story. very humbling, and love your last part, killing off Aaron, I kill Jose a bit each day too, in other words, we deny our flesh, and pursuit our soul, seeking to be more like Jesus. It is really hard, but no one said it would be easy. This life is a dangerous, risk-taking life, but in the end, it will all be worth it, because we will be with The One who made us.

God Bless you brother.
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ECCENTRICSHEEP
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by ECCENTRICSHEEP Sat Jan 24, 2015 8:14 am

I actually read this chapter days ago, but then I forgot what I was gonna say. So I had wait until I had time to look over it again to post lol.

My past is probably the source for my huge amount of inner noise. Honestly, to me it feels impossible to get rid of. See I said to me it does since it's actually not impossible technically lol.

Anyway, I struggle with thinking everyone hates me and doesn't want me around. It is an automatic intrusive thought that is triggered by certain things, and its way irrational but it will still trigger like clockwork. It developed in my childhood growing up with an alcoholic parent. And its probably something others can relate too maybe because to an addict...all they care about is their drug so everyone and everything else is pushed aside. But I thought I was the problem, and that I wasn't being good enough maybe. My "perfection or failure" thoughts I think come from that too.

I've been trying to use all of my experiences in my blogs to help encourage other people. Some people are where I am, battle worn from years of fighting, and some are young and just getting started. After having that huge hope realization that's all I wanna do online is make sure everyone knows hope is still with them.

I still fight with my past a lot though. I still have a hard time believing people don't hate me. It sounds dumb but it's true.
THE ECCENTRIC SHEEP MUSINGS

TO THOSE IN THE FIGHT AGAINST DEPRESSION
http://jesuswired.com/eccentric-sheep-m ... epression/

SELF INJURY AWARENESS DAY POST
https://jesuswired.com/eccentric-sheep- ... ury-story/
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sassy1506
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by sassy1506 Sat Jan 24, 2015 1:41 pm

ECCENTRICSHEEP wrote:I actually read this chapter days ago, but then I forgot what I was gonna say. So I had wait until I had time to look over it again to post lol.


Same here!

I've grown up in a Christian family, and we have our ups and downs, but what family doesn't? People constantly compare me to my brother, and I used to tell myself that I'm just his shadow. I still struggle with that, and I think that's where a lot of my inner noise comes from. Change is possible, but not on my own.


ECCENTRICSHEEP wrote:Anyway, I struggle with thinking everyone hates me and doesn't want me around. It is an automatic intrusive thought that is triggered by certain things, and its way irrational but it will still trigger like clockwork.


I struggle with that, too. I don't even know why.


I really like the "used to be" and "but" thing. For some reason, it made me think of something we did at camp last summer....

Our spiritual leader gave each of us a piece of paper and told us to write "I Am" at the top. Then he told us to write down words we use to identify ourselves, like "musician", "passionate", "introvert", anything at all. Then when we were all done, he told us to cross off anything related to an activity, then cross off any feelings, and he went on until we all had crossed off all of the words we had used to describe ourselves. Then he told us to read the only thing left on our pages, which were the words "I Am". And he used that illustration to say, "When we cross out ourselves, only God remains."

I used to be a sinner, but now I'm His.
-Sam

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" -James 4:7
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ECCENTRICSHEEP
 
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Re: STATIC JEDI CHAPTER 3

by ECCENTRICSHEEP Sat Jan 24, 2015 3:19 pm

I use to be too scared to be bold, but now I am being more bold...like make youtube videos!

there I did one!

.....because there's a bunch of stuff I wish I could do a "used to" on but I can't :(
THE ECCENTRIC SHEEP MUSINGS

TO THOSE IN THE FIGHT AGAINST DEPRESSION
http://jesuswired.com/eccentric-sheep-m ... epression/

SELF INJURY AWARENESS DAY POST
https://jesuswired.com/eccentric-sheep- ... ury-story/
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